Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Isn’t There a Better Way to Detect Prostate Cancer?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I had my prostate checkup recently and was thinking isn’t it weird how in this dayne age there isn’t a more efficient way for doctors to spot prostate cancer other than having them put their hand up your ass? It strikes me as odd that in 2015 I’m basically paying someone to put their fist in my butthole. It’s extremely uncomfortable and at the end I just find out what I knew before the guy’s hand was up my ass, that I don’t have cancer. I wouldn’t mind if they were the ones who paid ME to put their hand up my ass especially considering how much the doctor appeared to be enjoying himself. Also isn’t it weird that they don’t dress up like doctors during the procedure? I guess they like a more casual dress for something so awkward and intrusive? -- Sam from Newport, Rhode Island

Dear Sam:
First off, I think you meant to say “day and age” instead of “dayne age.” Secondly, and much more importantly, doctors aren’t supposed to put their entire fist up your ass to check your prostate. Either your doctor is using some very strange, unnecessary techniques OR you weren’t being treated by a real doctor. I would seriously investigate that if I were you. And as far as alternative methods to test for prostate cancer, it has been shown that trained dogs are capable of detecting prostate cancer in urine. So if you feel comfortable pissing in a cup and walking up to dogs then you might want to try that. However, I would always recommend seeing a trained human professional at least until they master this urine sniffing dog stuff.

"Hey doc, is it weird that my dick is inside my leg?"

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