Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are Car Companies Always Insulting Themselves?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Every car commercial on these days goes “Hey I don’t see a Buick, there’s only nice cars out here! That doesn’t look like a Buick! I was expecting to see a big clunky piece of shit!” Or “Wow my opinion of Ford has really changed!” or “We’re actually exporting Chryslers to other countries. Can you believe people in other countries actually want to buy a Chrysler?!” Do they realize they’re insulting themselves? Who shits all over their own work like that? And who’s to say they’re not going to be saying the same thing five years from now about the cars they’re making now? Why would anyone buy a car from a company like that? It’s like buying pizza from Domino’s after they crapped all over their product. All it does is show people how committed to shittiness you’ve been for decades. How is this comforting to a consumer? -- Debbie from Edgewater, New Jersey

Dear Debbie:
I don’t think companies would normally resort to these measures of self-deprecation, however the auto industry isn’t doing as well as it used to. Today’s culture is less rewarding to consistency and integrity and more appreciative of recovered drug addicts and people who admit fault with themselves to become better people. Car companies are mirroring this by trashing their past and promising then showing consumers they can be better than they were. Now, an intelligent consumer might just go to companies who have always been good and don’t have to be ashamed of their past, but hey, not all consumers are intelligent. In a way, America is in the same shoes of these companies. The nation has fallen off a bit and needs to get back to the top. One of the first stages of that process is admitting you fucked up. Americans like when people admit they’re fucked up. In a way these car companies are like Caitlyn Jenner. They’re trying to start a new beginning after realizing the truth about themselves and Americans love that. We say it’s better to be honest about your faults than to deny them and pretend like you’re perfect, which is ironically how people used to live in America when things were going great. Does that mean we’re heading in the wrong direction? Possibly. Ignorance is bliss, but self deprecation is being down to earth and that’s what people want from companies these days.

How did the name Buick ever become synonymous with "hunk of shit"?

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