8.02.2015

Dumbass Sayings: “I Want To Be A Star!”

Whenever you see a tap dancing child actor they say “I want to be a star!” Why are we encouraging children to be like stars? Do people even know what stars are? They’re gigantic luminous spheres of plasma. Why are stars synonymous with success? Because they’re bright? Lots of things are bright. Quasars are the brightest objects in the universe, powered by black holes. If you want to be encourage your child, tell them to be a “quasar.” Not only will that be encouraging them to be brighter, but it will also teach them some astronomy. The other thing wrong about wanting to be a star is stars aren’t special. There are roughly 100 billion stars in our Milky Way galaxy alone and approximately 100 octillion stars in the universe. Stars are not rare. Also, most of the stars we see in the night sky are long since dead. Why would anyone want to be a star? It would mean you burn extremely hot, have people constantly revolving around you while you get larger and larger until you implode and die into a supernova causing gamma ray bursts that can wipe out entire civilizations light years away. Does that sound fun to you? Because it’s not. It’s horrifying.

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