The Top Five Human Inventions That Really Don’t Need to Exist

Since the birth of human civilization, inventions have defined our progress as animals on this planet. There have been very critical inventions like the wheel, the radio, and the realistic sex doll that have made the quality of life for humans exponentially higher. However, there are some inventions that while useful to some, probably didn’t need to be made. Here are the top 5 inventions that don’t have to exist:

5. Neckties

Have you ever stopped to think about what neckties actually are? They’re basically scarves you put under your collar that just hang there in front of your shirt for literally no reason. What purpose do they serve? Do they keep the neck of your shirt closed? No, buttons can do that. They’re a pointless fashion item. What really needs to be said by a tie? The number of people who have hung themselves to death with their ties is enough reason to consider this a regretful invention. If you’ve ever gotten your tie caught in a cab door and had the driver not notice and start driving away you know how dangerous and pointless ties can be.

Look at how stupid that appears.

4. Shoehorn

Shoehorns are tools that help you put shoes on your feet. The way I see it, if you need to use a tool to wedge a shoe onto your foot then your shoes are too damn tight. Everyone has a shoehorn built into their own body it’s called a finger.

If you can't bend down far enough to put on shoes just don't even bother going outside.

3. Personal Items

If there’s one invention that has particularly affected my life in a negative way it’s personal enjoyment items. Now yes women deserve a way to masturbate a little more effectively than using their built-in shoehorns, but just think of a world where personal enjoyment items didn’t exist. Women would be forced to use live penises for their desires. Imagine that world and weep for the one we exist in with these giant vibrating monstrosities that basically make men unnecessary for a great number of women.

(Image removed per request.)

2. Pizza cutter

Humans actually invented a thing to cut pizzas with. Knives existed and yet they still felt the need to create a rolling blade with a handle to cut pizzas into slices. My problem with pizza cutters is people actually buy pizza cutters for their homes. Who is eating enough uncut pizza to need their own pizza cutter? And for pizzerias, shouldn’t they just have a circular thing they can just slam down on the top of a pizza that chops it into 8 perfect slices all at once? Come on...

Pizza slicer or world's worst personal enjoyment item?

And the number one invention that never needed to be made is…

1. Viagra

Viagra was created by accident, but it still shouldn’t have been released to the public because it’s pointless. So let me get this straight, you can’t get an erection from an elderly woman? That’s called nature. That’s just how things are supposed to be. There’s nothing wrong with an old man who can’t get wood from his wife. If she’s old and wrinkled that’s just the way things go. A man of any age would have a problem becoming aroused. This is not a cause for prescription medication.

How about a pill to help you fuck koalas? Wait, Viagra works for that too!