Dumbass Sayings: “I Don’t Bite”

When you’re a kid and you see a guy with a beard sitting on a bench with a bag of candy he says “Come over here, kiddo. I don’t bite!” Oh well isn’t that a relief! Glad I won’t get bitten here. I got news for ya, freakass. No one’s worried about you biting. People are worried about you molesting and fondling. Even if someone was to believe you were telling the truth about not biting, that still leaves a whole list of other horrible things you can honestly still do. If you want to really put people’s minds at rest say “I won’t touch you.” Of course no one would even believe that. Obviously, lies are the greatest tool of manipulation there are. You can’t believe a damn thing a stranger says. Saying “I don’t bite” is just pointless and creepy. The only people you ever have to worry about biting you are cannibals, vampires, zombies (bath salts or infected), and werewolves. If any one of those folks said they weren’t going to bite, you’d have every reason not to believe them. Saying “I don’t bite” is like saying “I don’t murder.” Is that really supposed to make people feel safe around you? The fact you brought up a violent act in the first place is cause for concern, creepy ass son of a bitch!

"I don't bite and I'm definitely not a compulsive liar."

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