Dumbass Sayings: “Blow Your Brains Out”

When Vicky at work says “I’m gonna blow your brains out” I never know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. If she’s holding a pistol usually that’s a clue, but just as a general statement she’s either talking about shooting me in the skull with a firearm or treating me to the greatest oral romance experience I’ve ever had. These two possibilities couldn’t be farther from each other and yet they’re both communicated by the same exact words. This is very ineffective language. I think it should mean you’re going to shoot someone in the skull, but because “blow” jobs are also called “giving head” and “giving brains” it gets a little confusing. Also, when someone says “I’m gonna blow your mind” that could also mean multiple things. It could again be a veiled euphemism for “giving head” or it could mean they’re going to shoot you in the brain or it could mean they’re going to start quoting Nietzche. When people tell me to “Go home and blow your brains out” I always reply “I would but I can’t reach” and they always give me a perplexed look. Yeah I know it would seem like I could right? I think what people need to do is just stop saying “blow your brains out.” Say “shoot you in the head.” There’s no reason to get brains involved in this. It’s a violent enough visual without the viscera of cerebral matter. That would eliminate a lot of confusion, especially for me.

Whether your blowing someone's brains out or blowing someone's brains out, at least do it in private.