Ask McFartnuggets: “Can Putting Pennies In Your Mouth Save You From A DUI?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I heard that if you’re ever driving drunk and you get pulled over, you can take a handful of loose change and stuff your mouthful of pennies and the copper will help you pass the breathalyzer test. Is this a true thing or is it just an old wives tale? I want to know before I try it because if I’m drunk I might could choke to death on the pennies in which case I mine as well just get caught, go to jail and live, right? -- Jalissa from Detroit, Michigan

Dear Jalissa:
No, this is a big misunderstanding. Copper can’t fool a copper. You can’t put pennies in your mouth to get out of being arrested, but you can put PENIS in your mouth (this obviously works a lot better if you’re a woman and even better if you’re an attractive woman.) The breathalyzer isn’t the thing you should be blowing. I think that “Mouthful of penis” was the original advice and somehow maybe through a game of telephone it changed to “mouthful of pennies.” You can see how that might have happened, the two words are very similar in spelling. Maybe a drunk woman did this and wanted to write it down because she knew she wouldn’t remember how she beat the arrest by the time she woke up with a hangover so she scribbled on a piece of paper “How to beat a DUI: Put cop’s penis in your mouth.” But because she was so drunk and her handwriting was awful someone saw that and thought it said “Put copper pennies in your mouth.”

Sometimes it helps to practice field sobriety tests at home in your spare time.

Send your questions to PizzaTesticles@yahoo.com

No comments :

Post a Comment