Ask McFartnuggets: “I Have a Big Ol’ Fat Stinky Pussy Problem!”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I got a big ol’ fat stinky pussy problem right now. This thing is all inflamed and discolored, the skin is bright red and a little purple. I’ve got like a greenish yellow cream coming out of this pussy mess. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with it. I’ve been spraying it with rubbing alcohol and that just hurts like the dickens! It’s been like this for the longest time now. I’m embarrassed about going to the doctor over something like this. Also I don’t want to spend the money. Last time I went to the doctor they charged me $1,500 for nothing. I want to see if there’s a way I can make it smaller at home like with an Xacto knife. The last time I did that the pussy thing squirted and it actually got a lot smaller. Since then it is back now to its biggest size ever. What do you suggest I do here? -- Greg from San Diego, California

Dear Greg:
Pussy? Oh you mean PUS-sy, like filled with pus… Okay, for a second I thought that was a different kind of question. Yeah I would definitely see a doctor about that as soon as possible. You don’t want to mess around with a pussy infection. The discoloration of the pus is an obvious sign of infection and will spread farther in your body. I know doctors can cost a lot, but there’s no price tag you can put on your own life! Do yourself a favor and clean up your disgusting, filthy pussy issue and get it taken care of once and for all!

Any time your wound resembles a deviled egg, that's bad.

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