Ask McFartnuggets: “Are Those Taco Bell Cap'n Crunch Balls Really Clown Testicles?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I’m sure by now you know Taco Bell is serving Cap’n Crunch balls and I’m wondering if they’re actually something else. They’re red and they got colorful bits all over them and when you bite in, hot gooey white stuff comes out. Now am I wrong or is that exactly what clown testicles look like? Of course Taco Bell has also been waging war against McDonald’s in recent commercials with the Breakfast Defectors campaign. Is it possible that they’re harvesting clown testicles in an effort to send a strong message to Ronald McDonald? -- Loomis from Cranston, Rhode Island

Dear Loomis:
That’s an interesting theory however there are a few problems with it. First off, if those really were clown balls then you’d probably hear a lot about it from local clowns. Maybe they’d be too embarrassed, but the number one thing you’d notice is a steep drop in the number of clowns harassing children. Without their balls they wouldn’t have as much of an impulse to be riding around in their vans with machetes following kids around parks. I for one, have not seen any evidence of a slowdown in this behavior. For those to be genuine clown testicles then there’d have to be a very obvious clown ball holocaust going on with clowns sent in droves to de-ballment camps. There’d be no way to hide such a large operation. Also we all know clowns cum confetti. So if they were real clown balls, when you bit in there’d be confetti or silly string in there, not hot cream sauce. Get your facts straight.

When you think about it, semen is basically just a clown car full of sperm.

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