Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Some People Hate Babies?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Ever since I had my newborn I’ve noticed that not everyone is always thrilled to see her as much as me and my family. Some people have said some really rude things like “Can you take your shitty baby out of here?” or “Can you get that thing to stop crying?” What is this behavior towards babies about? I thought all people loved babies. How can you not love babies? What is wrong with these people? I want to understand. -- Fran from Brooklyn, New York

Dear Fran:
I think what you’re experiencing is a combination of a few different factors. Firstly, no one likes the smell of baby shit or a crying baby. That has always been true, but these days people are much more outspoken and a lot of people have mild functional autism so they’ll just say what’s on their mind no matter how rude it sounds. This is just a change everyone’s going to have to get used to. You just have to have tougher skin and change your definition of what rude means. The other reason people may be negative toward babies is the fact that the planet is becoming overpopulated. Having a baby can be seen as a selfish act because we really don’t need more people in the world. If everyone just stopped having babies for like ten years we’d be in a much better shape when it came to resources, carbon emissions, and clean water. People have babies to be a replacement for themselves in the future so others may be viewing the baby as an extension of you and transferring their hatred of you to the baby. And lastly, I think a lot of people are just naturally jealous of babies. Babies have it so much better than adults. You get to sleep pretty much at will, shit on yourself in public with no consequences, and suck titties all day. If anyone thinks they can describe a better life than that I’d really like to see them try.

Elderly lady be like "I must have your youth!"

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