Dumbass Sayings: “Speed Appears to Be a Factor”

Whenever you hear about a deadly car accident on the news the reporter always says “Officials have stated that speed appears to be a factor in the crash.” Well isn’t that a revelation! What gave it away? The body that exploded out of the front windshield or the raging gasoline fire? Of course speed was a factor! If they were going two miles an hour everyone would be alive and completely fine. When is speed NOT a factor in a car crash? That’s like saying “The fact they were human beings with delicate tissues and organs driving inside giant steel machines may be a factor.” Yes we know. Thank you for explaining what a car crash is. You can’t have a car accident without speed. Speed is what creates the margin for error to begin with. Now if you want to say “Excessive speed appears to be a factor” then that’s a little less stupid to say because it means they were speeding and that’s something that precisely can be pointed to as the cause of an accident. But you can’t just say “Speed appears to be a factor.” That’s like reporting a dead skydiver by saying “Gravity appears to be a factor.” Now of course that would be a laughably stupid thing to say on the news, but “Speed appears to be a factor” isn’t? Be a little more specific.

Speed? A factor? You don't say!