Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do Old Ladies Wear So Much Goddamn Perfume?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Why do old ladies wear so much goddamn perfume? Do they think they smell good? What is going on in their head? How can they not know they’re overdoing it severely? Do they seriously get ready to go outside and think “Alright I want to smell like a greenhouse set on fire. I want to smell like a fucking explosion went off in a flower store! I want to smell like I just rolled around the pollen from a rose orgy!” Is that what they’re thinking when they produce this old lady stink? -- Lomas from North Bend, Indiana

Dear Lomas:
Well there are a few reasons for this. Primarily, as people get older they lose sensitivity of all their senses. As old people’s noses their sense of smell gets a lot duller. On top of that, as their body gets older it begins to decompose while they’re alive. Basically what happens is they smell that they’re rotting and do their best to cover it up with perfume. When they buy the perfume they don’t realize how it smells to other people. To them it probably does smell perfect. Then they compound the problem by using far too much of an already strong aroma and that combined with the muddled smell of dying flesh produces the “old lady stink” as you said. Ultimately, it’s not really their fault so you can’t blame them too much.

When you consider the alternative, it's probably better they're masking the natural musk of death.

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