Ask McFartnuggets: “Are Cat Toys Unethical?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Basically all cat toys are a form of teasing. Why is this acceptable? It wouldn’t be right to dangle a string with feathers on it in front of a mentally disabled person so why is it okay to do that with a cat? -- Kersten from Newport, Oregon

Dear Kersten:
Yes, nearly all cat toys involve teasing the cat. I’m certain this is why cats are assholes. Now it may be a chicken and egg situation where we don’t know if cats are assholes because we tease them all the time or we get joy teasing them because they’re assholes, all we know is this is simply the case. Even if you like a cat, it’s still a lot of fun to watch them try to hit things that they think might be threats or food when they’re really not. It is mean, but as long as you’re feeding them, giving them a box to shit in, and letting them show you their butthole, they can’t complain. It’s also just pleasurable to see an animal that thinks it's so smart chase a laser light around like a dumbass. That activates the part of the human brain that enjoys seeing people get what’s coming to them. It’s just less sinister and more cute when it’s cats. This may be part of the reason why having a cat has been proven to lower blood pressure.

Cats love fish and we taunt them with lures. Funny how that works.

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