Ask McFartnuggets: “How Deep Do They Bury Coffins in Countries That Use The Metric System?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Hey everyone knows you bury a person six feet deep when they die, but what do people in England, South America, Europe, and Asia do? They don’t use feet! How the hell can they know what six feet is? That’s like 1.8288 meters! One foot is 0.3048 meters. How the heck are you supposed to measure that six times? Isn’t it easier to just put two yard sticks together? People always talk about the American measurement system being inefficient and how metric is so much better. Well not when burying corpses! -- Nicky from Portland, Maine

Dear Nicky:
Well, 1.8288 meters is called a fathom so they bury people a fathom deep. Of course measuring that out exactly is probably not as easy as using two yard sticks as you mentioned, but I’m sure they manage to do it. It’s not like it has to be exact to the decimal point. I’m sure you could just throw a dead body into a hole a little less than 2 meters deep and call it a day. The tradition of burying corpses six feet deep actually came from England when they were dealing with the plague. Back then “feet” were a measurement that came from the Romans because people used body parts to measure things. They used feet and palms lengths which goes to show you how much of a shit they gave about being exact about burial depths. The important thing is that the corpse is deep enough to keep the plague germs away and that’s still good advice even to this day.

The important thing is to bury someone deep enough so you can't hear all their annoying screaming.

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