Ask McFartnuggets: “Is it Weird to Cuddle with My Ex?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Me and my ex-girlfriend have been broken up for about 6 months now but we still hang out and sometimes we even cuddle. We both realize a full-time relationship won’t work out, but we still enjoy the feeling of closeness that we used to have. We’re technically not back together and we never will be but we still like to do the cuddling. Our friends think we’re weird for doing this. Is it weird for me to be cuddling with my ex? -- Sandra from Burlington, Vermont

Dear Sandra:
It is a little unconventional, but cuddling with your ex is like riding a bicycle. A whore bicycle that slept with your next door neighbor. Sorry, I mean you never really forget how to do it, it feels natural. Basically what you’re doing is the equivalent of riding around your bicycle from childhood. People will look at your strange because it’s out of the norm and by all logic you shouldn’t be doing it. Society says you should have moved on to a better bicycle. Still, some people can’t move on and that’s okay. It’s like walking around with your security blanket except in this case the blanket is a cheating slut who drove a drill into your heart-- I mean it’s comforting, but it’s soiled from the past and that soiling is what should serve as a notification to find a new blanket. If you’re both happy then I wish you all the best.

Sometimes you really miss cuddling that sweet, bulbous red ass.

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1 comment :

  1. I want to have an almost serious topic discussion with you. like for instance, isn't it funny that we now live in a period of time where technology surrounds us, our government keeps records on everything we do, but for some reason there are two convicts who have been on the loose for two weeks?