Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Always Tell Me To Drive Safely?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How come I always see signs that say “Drive Safely” on the highway? Like that’s going to make me go OH RIGHT I FORGOT! I should start using my turn signals now! And after I leave a dinner people are always like “Okay get home safe! Drive safely! Be careful out there!” If I was drunk then I would understand people saying this shit to me. Actually if I was drunk I’d prefer if they take the keys from me and call me a cab. What the fuck is this “get home safely drive safely!” shit? And how come it’s only when you leave someone? No one ever calls up and says “Okay you gonna be there at 5? Great. Get here safely!” I’ve never once heard someone tell me to arrive safely. Isn’t that just as important? It’d probably be worse if you die on your way to a meeting because you never even got to share that experience with the people. If there’s ever a time to die it’s after you had a great meal and a lot of fun. Then you’re going out on top! Please tell me if I’m wrong here! -- Dolly from St. Paul, Minnesota

Dear Dolly:
I think people tell you to “Get home safely” because if you die on your way home they’ll feel guilty. They’ll think maybe it was something you ate or drank with them or you got too tired from meeting them. Also sometimes your hosts can be drunk even if you’re not. When you’re drunk you tend to be overly emotional and say unnecessary things. As far as the “Drive safely” signs on the highway, yes they do seem a little stupid and maybe you get distracted by one of them and crash, but it’s all coming from a good place. All these friendly warnings are just a way of defusing guilt in the case someone dies whether it be emotionally or legally. If someone dies after you say “get home safe” you can say “Well I told her! Not my fault she didn’t listen!”

The problem is not enough people know what "Driving safely" actually entails.

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