Ask McFartnuggets: “How Does Babies Drown?”

You can't breathe vagina
juice forever.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Okay why do people always tell me I need to watch my baby around my pool because the baby will fall in? If I’m not mistaken, babies live for up to nine months in vagina juice breathing that in and don’t drown so how does babies drown? Come on! If babies could drown then people would always give birth to drowned dead babies with lungs full of baby goo. Are people stupid? -- Percy from Columbia, South Carolina

Dear Percy:
While you pose an interesting argument, the fact is, once a baby’s lungs start breathing air and stop breathing amniotic fluid or “vagina juice” as you so eloquently put it, their lungs become just like yours. At that point they then have normal lungs that will become flooded by water if they fall into a pool and the baby will die. This is a transition that has to happen otherwise we’d all have to walk around with diving helmets full of vagina juice in order to breathe and that would make life pretty difficult. It’s best to keep an eye on your baby around large bodies of water, even small ones like bathtubs. Even if they could still breathe amniotic fluids, most people’s pools aren’t filled with that. If they are that would be disgusting, and yet oddly intriguing…

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