Ask McFartnuggets: “Does Mountain Dew Really Kill Sperm?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
My friend told me the other day that drinking Mountain Dew will kill my sperm is that true? If this is true why doesn’t Mountain Dew just replace condoms? It tastes a lot better than condoms, probably… -- Joel from North Dakota

Dear Joel:
I’m pretty sure if Mountain Dew killed sperm then the X-Games would be extinct by now. While it’s not as popular as it used to be, it’s still going. The extreme sports skateboarders, BMX, and motocross guys who chugged Mountain Dew all through the 90’s have still managed to procreate and make the next generation of extreme inline skaters so I think it’s safe to say Mountain Dew has no affect on sperm. As you alluded to, if Mountain Dew really killed sperm I’m sure it would be a contraceptive method. My cousin Reggie drinks tons of Dew and he has five kids. I’m pretty sure he wished it could make him sterile after the second kid. This is just a new wives tale. I’ve never heard anyone recommend replacing a spermicidal lube with Mountain Dew Code Red before and unless there’s a new edgy ad campaign coming out for Mountain Dew I don’t think I ever will.

If anything, drinking Mountain Dew might cause your sperm to do more 720 spins.

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