Ask McFartnuggets: “If Life is a Gift Then is Suicide Like Regifting?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
People are always telling me life is a gift so does that mean when someone commits suicide they’re regifting it? Maybe they’re not depressed maybe they’re just being thrifty. -- Lou from Dover, Delaware

Dear Lou:
No, regifting it would actually be a better thing to do with the gift of life. If you were regifting it then that means you would give up your life to someone who was dead or dying so they could keep living. If you’re thinking of life as a gift then suicide is more like returning life back to the store. That’s why people view it as such a selfish act because you’re not appreciative of the gift and that always hurts whoever gave you the gift. That’s also why people think you go to hell when you kill yourself. It’s easy to see how the creator would be offended by you returning their gift. Now if our creator gave us the receipt and said “If you don’t like it you can return it for something you want” then that would be a little more comforting. Lord knows how much they spend on each life so to just throw it in the trash like that is pretty insulting.

The least you can do is pretend to enjoy the gift.

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