Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Don’t More People Go on The Jesus Diet?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How come the Caveman Diet is so popular, but you never hear of anyone on the Jesus Diet? Jesus was in pretty top physical condition. Had it not been for the crucifixion there’s really no telling how long he would have lived! As the son of God you’d think more people would be asking themselves What Would Jesus Eat? Why aren’t more people interested in replicating the diet of Christ? It seems like more people are interested in eating his body than eating to achieve his body! -- Jayshon from Billings, Montana

Dear Jayshon :
Unfortunately since Jesus didn’t have an Instagram account we don’t really know exactly what he ate for every single meal of his life. That means there would have to be a lot of speculation as to what actually comprised his daily diet. According to Biblical texts we can assume he had the typical diet of a Middle Eastern individual of that time period. That means he was eating mad figs, fish, and bread. Just because it worked for him doesn’t necessarily mean it would translate to a successful diet for people these days. Back in Jesus times there was no pollution so eating fish was a lot safer and you could multiply a couple hundred without fear of severe Mercury poisoning. Bread was a major staple in people’s diets before scientists discovered what carbohydrates were and people started calling them “carbs.” Back then people didn’t really have the luxury to avoid bread. If you had Celiac Disease back then you were fucked. Then again I guess Jesus could just cure you. Gluten intolerance had to be a little easier to cure than Leprosy. Of course times have changed and eating “carbs” is damn near a confessionable offense, that is if you can consume them without shitting your lungs out. Maybe people are too intimidated to emulate the exact way Jesus lived. People tend to prefer hypothetically modeling themselves after Jesus rather than following his actions literally.

Where's the food already? I'm so hungry I could die!
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