Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do We Dye Eggs For Easter?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
What is the story of why we dye chicken eggs for Easter? How does that work? What is that bunny about? How does any of this connect to the story of Jesus? And why is it called Easter? Why not Wester? Was Jesus more of a fan of Notorious BIG than Tupac? West side is the best side damnit! -- Bonnie from Redmond, Washington

Dear Bonnie:
Truth is, no one really knows why it’s called Easter so all we can do is speculate. Scholars believe it was named after Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring and fertility. Why a Christian holiday is named after an Anglo-Saxon pagan goddess should probably be up for some debate. I’d like to believe you’re right and it’s just that Jesus is a huge fan of East coast rap, Jay-Z, Nas, Wu-Tang, etc. Is it that difficult to believe he’s bumping to that shit?

Some people are confused about why we dye eggs for Easter, but I think it’s pretty clear. Jesus “died” for our sins so now we “dye” his eggs. It’s a nice little play on words that unfortunately goes right over most peoples’ heads.

As far as the bunny goes, I don’t think anyone truly knows where the Easter bunny came from. Is it Jesus in a bunny suit? Perhaps. If I had to guess why a bunny is involved in the crucifixion and resurrection of Christ it would be because Jesus was sort of like Elmer Fudd in the Bugs Bunny cartoons. He took all that punishment and somehow came back. Having Easter Elmers would be a little weird so they changed it to a bunny, but couldn’t use Bugs due to copyright infringement. Plus, we’re all familiar with the Separation of Church and Looney Tunes. Most cartoons are too violent as it is without crucifixions.

This is your Easter on drugs. Any questions?

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