The Top 5 Worst Places on Your Body to Get a Tattoo

Whether you’re stumbling wasted into a tattoo parlor thinking they’re circus face painters or getting held down by a bunch of prison inmates, what’s almost more important than what you’re getting tattooed on your body is where you’re getting it tattooed. Some people think the worst place you can get a tattoo is on your forehead or cheek, but here are the real top 5 worst places to get a tattoo:

5. Ear
When was the last time you saw someone with a tattoo on their ear? It doesn’t happen too often because the ear is a very contoured shape. It can be extremely difficult to create a nice design on it. A lot of tattoo artists will refuse to do an ear tattoo because it may compromise their art.

Van Gogh knew how painful cutting into an ear can be.

4. Palm of hand
The palm is one of the worst places to get a tattoo not just because of the pain involved, but because in order to show someone your palm tattoo you have to do the “Talk to the hand” gesture which many people find offensive. Also, if you’re a frequent masturbator the tattoo will wear off rather quickly and wind up being a huge waste of money.

The hands are used to sense with touch so they have a lot of nerves.

3. Bottom of foot
Even rarer than ear and palm tattoos are tattoos on the bottom of the foot. People rarely get these because they’re almost pointless. Of course the pain is tremendous, but on top of that no one’s ever going to see the tattoo. If you’re an alcoholic who sleeps in public barefoot all the time then maybe a tattoo on the bottom of your foot is worth your time, but for everyone else, steer clear.

Everyone has at least one weird mole and if you've got yours on the bottom of your foot you hit the jackpot.

2. Eyelid
Eyelid tattoos are pretty cool, however eyelids are very small compared to other tattooable areas of the body. Eyelid tattoos require a very skilled artist. If they’re not careful they can puncture your eyeball with the needle and that’s extremely horrific for everyone involved no matter how much PCP ya’ll just smoked.

Unless you're this guy, no one's gonna see your eyelid tattoo.

And the number one worst place to get a tattoo is...

1. Nutsack
The human nutsack is the worst place to get a tattoo for all the reasons listed for every other body part on this list. The shape of the nutsack is not conducive in anyway to be drawn on. If you’ve ever tried to write on a grocery bag with a ballpoint pen before you know what I’m talking about. The texture is just all wrong for a tattoo. It’s basically like nature said “Don’t stab ink into this with a needle.” It’d be like painting a walnut like an Easter egg. That takes an immeasurable amount of talent and stupidity. Similar to a tattoo the bottom of the foot, no one is going to see your nutsack tattoo often enough to be worth the money (which will be a lot to get someone to ink your balls). And last but not least, the pain is something I’m not sure can even be put into human expression. Maybe there’s an alien word somewhere in the cosmos for it. There’s actually a good chance you’ll be screaming shit that sounds like an alien language when it’s happening.

It's best to keep needles of any sort away from your testicoli.

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