12.21.2012

Things To Do Before The World Ends

Even if the apocalypse doesn't arrive this year, it's good to have a list of general things everyone should do before perishing in agonizing flames.

- Try a hardcore drug. Now I don't advocate this for underaged people, but if you're a responsible adult and you have a permit for medical heroin or crystal meth you should definitely give it a go just for the experience. You wouldn't want to die without trying sex, so why doesn't the same apply for LSD? Plus you're definitely gonna want to be high when the end comes so you don't have to face Satan straight in the face completely sober.

- Go skydiving without a parachute. Everyone should experience the feeling of flying free without any fear and if you know you're going to die then jumping out of a plane with no parachute is about as free as it gets. If you time it just right then the apocalypse will happen while you're still falling and you won't have to experience the splat at the end.

- Ride on an animal that isn't traditionally used for riding. Ex: Giraffe, Hippo, Gazelle, Moutain Lion, Chupacabra, etc.

- Go to a really fancy restaurant and enjoy a great meal. Hopefully you can get the majority of it down right before the apocalypse strikes and the meal is free.

- Have sex with a prostitute. Hopefully you can get the majority of the loving done right before the apocalypse strikes and the meal is free.

- Go streaking in the most populated area you can find. Feel truly free for one time in your life. There's no time for body image issues when the end of humanity is at hand, plus it'll just be really fun to run through Times Square on Meth completely naked. Who can say they've done that before, that never went to jail for it?

Please note this list is meant only for last minute fun once the apocalypse is certainly here, not just for when people THINK it's the apocalypse.

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