|Let this man in your house.|
Offering Santa cookies for the joy he brings you is like offering a hooker a slinky for a blow job. The payment doesn't really add up, it's more insulting than anything. The bottom line is Santa needs to lose weight. Don't be an enabler by making him feel obligated to take a bite of your damn cookies. And what if your cookies are fucked up? What if you used bad eggs or something? Do you want to risk screwing up Santa's bowels on the most important night of his year? Do the right thing and eat the cookies and milk yourself or better yet leave them outside your front door for some homeless people. That would be TRUE Christmas spirit!