Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Do People Still Send Christmas Family Newsletters?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
Why do people still send me family newsletters for Christmas with all the things they did in the past year? It’s 2014, we have Facebook. If you’re actually someone I care about then I already know about every major life event you and your family have experienced this year. If I don’t care about you then you’re not on my Facebook and I could really care less what the hell you’ve been up to so there’s literally no reason to send people Christmas newsletters. Why the hell do people do it? Are they stupid? They’re just wasting trees, postage, and the energy it takes me to throw that shit in the garbage as soon as I open it. -- Maria from  Grand Rapids, Michigan

Dear Maria:
I’m sure Christmas newsletters will one day stop entirely, but there are still a lot of old fashioned people who are so arrogant they think people want to read about their family on paper. They might also be sending them to their elderly relatives who aren’t very good with the computing machines. Making a family newsletter is a nice way to recap your year and make it look like you’ve accomplished a lot. When you talk about your life on Facebook it’s a day to day thing so you never really get to see your achievements accumulate in one spot. A Christmas newsletter gives you the chance to see that even if they’re bullshit achievements by your children like making the honor roll. They do waste paper, but hopefully you throw them into a recycling bin when you’re trashing it. And as far as wasting postage, the postal service is in major danger of going out of business so they are helping to support mail carriers.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your son in Makati, but thanks for the warm season's greeting because clearly this holiday is all about you.

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