Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Doesn’t Santa Claus Fight Crime?”

Don't judge Santa by what
he doesn't do.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Santa Claus has magic powers so why does he only use them to deliver presents? Why can’t he also fight crime? Why can’t Santa Claus be a superhero? He has super speed to visit every Christian household in the world in just one night. He can shapeshift to fit through any size chimney or even radiator and of course he’s immortal and invincible. Those powers alone would be enough to be the world’s greatest superhero so why doesn’t he do it? He could stop nearly every crime from happening. He could be saving lives and stopping rapes and murders. Instead he just hangs out all year at the North Pole with his elves and gets off his ass once a year. Doesn’t that make Santa kind of a jackass? -- Darrick from Austin, Texas

Dear Darrick:
No Santa isn’t a jackass, he’s just not a fighter. Using that logic you could blame football players and mixed martial artists for not being police officers and firefighters. Their athleticism would probably be better served by humanity in those professions, but they choose football and fighting because they want to and it makes them money. Santa could fight crime, but he prefers spreading joy and merriment to people one night a year. Now if anything you could ask why Santa doesn’t make Christmas happen more than once a year, but then again that sounds a little greedy. Santa must realize that evil in this world does serve a purpose. If he were to eradicate all evil then every day would feel like Christmas until we all got bored of it and then nothing would ever feel special or exciting again. Santa is smarter than you think.

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