750 Leg Millipede Breaks World Record

In California, a millipede named Samantha has broken the official world record for most legs possessed by a single living creature with 750. Good job! Just 250 to go before the name "millipede" actually makes sense. I feel bad for the schmuck who has to count all the legs just to make sure they have a record breaker. You have to be counting the legs from other millipedes too just to make sure you've got the right record holder so basically you end up spending your entire life counting millipede legs like an asshole. The fact is I don't think anyone counts the legs and they definitely don't take challengers for the record. There could be thousands of millipedes out there with more than 750 legs and we wouldn't even know it. We don't seek to find them because no one gives a shit. How is this even a news story? I'd have the record for most legs if they didn't require the legs be attached to you. You think you're better than me because your legs are attached to your actual body and my 800 legs are in my basement wrapped in dry ice and aluminum foil? Fuck you, Samantha! FUCK YOU!

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