11.13.2012

Paula Broadwell's Famously Large Forehead

Forehead like Peter Weller.
It makes sense that General David Petraeus would choose Paula Broadwell as a mistress considering he's a general and her forehead is the size of an aircraft carrier. Only a true military leader could respect a forehead of this magnitude. I'd bet General Petraeus caressed it often for good luck while whispering things like "I could land a B-2 Stealth Bomber on that fucking thing".

I guess once you've seen the desert battlefields of the world firsthand, such an expanse of blank space isn't startling. Her forehead is so big George W. Bush put a banner up on it a week after he started The Iraq War. Her head is shaped like a incandescent light bulb. That is a Rudy Giuliani level forehead. I can't even compare it to other famous female foreheads like Reese Witherspoon or Rihanna because this is altogether a different beast. Her hairline is receding faster than post-election support for Mitt Romney. Paula Broadwell's forehead is so big it's already outsourcing jobs to China. I want to feed her a rudimentary paste to sustain her organic systems like RoboCop, alright that sounded bad. Look, I apologize for the jokes, but Paula is a broad well of comedy right now. Say what you want about how America is falling behind the rest of the world, we're still right at the forefront of military scandals and foreheads, both due to the amazing Paula Broadwell. Thanks Paula!




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