If you're like me then you were sitting in a theater in 1995 watching "Jumanji" thinking "Jesus, those CGI monkeys look fake as hell! Maybe if they looked more realistic this movie would be better!" Well apparently someone was listening to us because Hollywood is rebooting the "Jumanji" franchise. Finally! A fresh take on "Jumanji"! Because nothing is more relevant in today's cultural landscape than board games, well except maybethe Cold War.
Maybe this time they'll get the stampede physics right and add some more giraffes, something that was clearly overlooked in the original. And where the fuck were all the koalas?! Rumor has it, Robin Williams might make a cameo as a baboon, but as far as the star of the movie goes they're saying it's a currently a toss-up between Channing Tatum, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Chris Hemsworth, or some random British dude, you know, the same four guys that are in every single movie made these days. The good news is that not many actors from the original film have gone on to do anything notable with their careers so the odds of our favorite characters returning is a definite possibility. I'm looking at you, David Alan Grier! You know, it's a good thing they are making this reboot because ever since "Jumanji" came out I've been feeling like I was trapped in a jungle of bad movies and now it's like Hollywood just rolled a Five or Eight up in this bitch.