Hefty Woman Arrested For Riding Manatee

No that's not Bob Hoskins.

A woman was arrested after being caught violating Florida's Manatee Sanctuary Act and could face up to 60 days in jail. The woman apparently turned herself in after someone caught her in the act of brutalizing an innocent manatee. Normally when a woman rides a manatee no one cares because a manatee is a giant aquatic cow-like creature with the strength of twenty men, but when the woman looks like this... The law must intervene.

I honestly didn't know riding a manatee was illegal. I guess that means if you were to turn your father in he'd be spending the rest of his life behind bars! (That's a joke about how large your mother is). Of course I'm joking, we all know your parents are no longer having sexual relations and thank god! We wouldn't want anyone photographing that by accident because that's damage on society that no amount of incarceration could even begin to repair. But seriously, leave these sad fat beasts alone. They've done nothing to hurt anyone before and we should leave them in peace. I know you want to be one with nature, but if you really love nature you'll leave it the fuck alone when the law dictates.