Study Claims Apes Go Through Midlife Crisis

Some scientific journal recently published a study called "Evidence for a midlife crisis in great apes". Basically the researchers found depression in middle aged apes and then labeled that a "midlife crisis". That's a sack of crap. In order for it to be a midlife crisis, the apes would need to be aware that they're getting up there in ape age. I'm not talking about worrying about death, I'm talking about worrying about approaching an advanced age where you're going to need to start worrying about death. Do apes do that? Can apes be aware of how old they are? I tried Asking Jeeves, he doesn't have a damn clue.

We always try to compare behaviors between apes and humans like we're exactly the same. If an old ape is sad, he's having a "midlife crisis". If a man goes insane, they say he "went bananas". The middle aged apes are sad because that's what you do before you're about to die. Your ape joints wear out and you're not having ape sex as often as you were in your early days. That's enough of a reason to be sad. A human midlife crisis involves an ex-wife, stepchildren who hate you, and a sense that you'll leave no lasting legacy in the wake of your impending death. Apes don't have to deal with any of that shit so they can't have real midlife crises.

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