Recovering From The Twinkie Crisis: What Does America Do Now?

So we've all spent a night or seven crying about how Hostess is going out of business, now we have to rise up in the face of tragedy as all Americans do and look for answers. Where am I going to get Twinkies? Who will make more of them? What can I do to help? Is the Red Cross getting involved?

It's likely that Hostess will sell their recipes to other companies so there is a chance you might one day be forced to buy Twinkies from Little Debbie. I know it's sounds sickening and you might vomit right there in the Wal-Mart, but Twinkie the Kid will understand. It's not like you're Petraeusing Hostess by jumping on board with Lil Debbie. In times of crisis we all band together for the greater good, in this case, poor eating habits.

Also there's always the option to make your own Twinkies. I actually recommend this over anything else. Bake a bunch of sponge cakes, fill them with a mix of Betty Crocker icing, whipped cream, and butter and then cut them into loafs. The only negative is these will spoil unlike Twinkies, but the positive is that you can make them as big as you want and pretend your Twinkie is representative of all the psychokinetic energy in New York City.

Rumor has it, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is compelling Congress to vote on a government bailout of Hostess. This may be a futile effort, but we commend the Governor for fighting for what he believes is right. Hostess is NOT too big to fail, the people who eat it are. And we will not roll over and take this on our sides. We will rise up like after 9/11, helping one another get through this and we will be back fatter than ever!

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