Scientist Finds Bigfoot DNA on Blueberry Bagel

DALLAS, Nov. 24--A team of scientists can verify that their 5-year long DNA study, currently under peer-review, confirms the existence of a novel hominin hybrid species, commonly called “Bigfoot” or “Sasquatch,” living in North America. Researchers’ extensive DNA sequencing suggests that the legendary Sasquatch is a human relative that arose approximately 15,000 years ago as a hybrid cross of modern Homo sapiens with an unknown primate species.

 Ketchum says her DNA sample was obtained from a blueberry bagel left in the backyard of a Michigan home that, according to the owner, sees regular visits from Sasquatch creatures.

Okay so how about we gather up a shitload of blueberry bagels and put them in this backyard with night vision cameras rigged up all around? Oh that's right because this is bullshit. If this Bigfoot thinks blueberry bagels are something then wait till it finds out about blueberry MUFFINS!  There'll be DNA everywhere and the true myth will be uncovered. What's disturbing about this is that it means the DNA found clearly belongs to a human and that's a bad sign for Michigan. I think at the rate our society and education is deteriorating it won't be long until people are actually giving birth to Bigfoot creatures. And if you've seen any kids these days there's a solid chance this is already happening.

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