1.27.2013

America's National Obsession with Chicken Wings

I overheard a man in the supermarket say to his WIFE "It's Super Bowl so that means wings go in mouth." First of all, the fact that this guy is married and probably has like five kids is a serious problem in and of itself, but why do people love chicken wings so much? I don't pass up chicken wings when they're offered to me (unless it's randomly on the street by a hobo), but I'm not a fanatic like seemingly every other person in America. I don't understand the appeal of eating such a tiny piece of meat on a bone. You'd think chicken nuggets would be more suitable for American party consumption since there's less work involved. It would figure the one area of life where Americans are not lazier than everyone else is when it comes to sucking meat off of chicken bones.

My problem with chicken wings is there's so much waste that comes from it. You can't possibly get every bit of meat off a wing, you add up all the wasted food from a bucket of fifty wings and that's basically an extra full chicken in the trash. Secondly, a single chicken only has two wings, (unless it was born special) so when you eat a serving of twelve wings that's six birds that had to die for that. On the other hand when you kill a single cow that's like ten thousand hamburgers which could feed literally dozens of Americans. You need to instigate a poultry holocaust just to feed a family of four. How many chicken lives are equivalent to a cow's life? That's the real question.

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