The NFL Commercial Curse

For some reason most of the NFL players who choose to do commercials end up having career downturns afterward. Detroit Lions' 1st round 2003 draft pick Charles Rogers was in a Madden commercial before he disappeared off the face of the planet, Vernon Davis did that "click clack" commercial before he started to suck (however he did recover), LaDainian Tomlinson was never the same after he did those Campbells Chunky soup commercials, Troy Polamalu keeps doing Head and Shoulders commercials despite the fact they've ruined his career, Greg Jennings used to be an all-pro until he started doing Old Spice ads, Peyton Manning is clearly cursed from all his bullcrap, and RG III the Sandwich King looked to be the best QB of the 2012 draft, but that took a turn for the worse, meanwhile the sandwichless Russell Wilson and Andrew Luck have surpassed him.

I don't know if it's exactly Colin Kaepernick in that new Pizza Hut commercial, but it looks an awful lot like him. He's the one that says "That's how you make it great" which is a ridiculous statement. No one puts "Pizza Hut" and "great" in the same sentence unless they're so drunk they don't know where their hands are. Kaepernick and Ray Lewis are the only ones on their teams who have done commercials recently so Super Bowl 47 is shaping up to be a battle between Pizza Hut and Madden. I'm sure the Packers would have made it if they didn't have so many bastards doing commercials. You can talk about schemes and strategies all you want, but State Farm and Gillette were their biggest downfalls in the end.

What is the cause of these curses? Is it bad karma for taking money you don't really need? I think having the money from endorsements lets you relax a little on the field. If you've got a commercial you're already an established star so you won't be as hungry as some dipshit making the league minimum. That's the only logical explanation I can find for these curses. Whatever the cause, no one can argue that the curses are real and football stars should be weary about accepting these deals.

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