Are Superpowers Real?

Whenever you see a show about people who claim to have super powers they always show you weird religious tribal people sticking needles through their faces. That's impressive, but to me that's not a real power. In order for something to be a power it has to be practical or useful in some way. So you can stick needles through your face and scrotum, big deal! I can turn my nipples into shishkebobs with pork loin and grilled onions, but I'd hesitate to call that a "superpower". You can't stop a robbery like that. If I ran up to a crook with my shishkebob nipples I'm getting my ass laid out in under a minute, in part because I can't properly maneuver with kebob tits, but also because having a tolerance for pain doesn't help anyone. I think this is where they came up with the famous saying "Don't bring shishkebob nipples to a gun fight".

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