With the economy and environment in shambles it's important to revise the way we live and operate in today's world. If you're like me you're always looking for new ways you can help lessen the burden on our power grid to ensure humanity makes it another ten years or so. One of the biggest and easiest steps I've been taking lately is shitting in the dark. There's no good sense in crapping with the lights on, you're wasting electricity. It's common sense, but you wouldn't believe how many people I've surveyed who say they don't poop with the lights off. Most people think it's actually pretty weird. That's unfortunate because the average human spends around half an hour on the toilet every day. That's 30 minutes of wasted electricity per person per day. Multiply that all across America and that's probably enough electricity to power Rosie O'Donnell's personal enjoyment item for a week.
Speaking of vibrators, don't use the kind you plug into the wall or even connect to your computer via USB port. Using regular battery powered ones will save electricity. If you want to be even better to the environment, use one of the old school wooden handcranked vibrators that your grandma uses. Yes an entire tree did die to make that thing, but you made it up to Mother Nature in the long run and the more use you get out of that thing the more good is done. Be careful for splinters, keep that thing well lacquered. Just make sure to wait a solid three hours for the lacquer to settle. It may be a good idea to coat the personal enjoyment item when you aren't horny on some downtime at work to keep from having to fight off the urge to use it too soon and potentially poison your vagina and or anus.