1.16.2013

How Can Coca-Cola Help Stop Obesity?

The Coca-Cola people are hearing a lot of criticism since they started a new campaign claiming their low calorie drinks are part of the solution to the obesity epidemic in America. Can drinking Coca-Cola really help stop obesity? Not the way it is now, but it could! All we need to do is legalize cocaine and have Coca-Cola reintroduce it into their recipe. When was the last time you saw a morbidly obese cokehead? You don't need to put in lethal amounts, just enough to get someone to stand up every once in awhile and chase a raccoon around their trailer while swinging a shovel a couple dozen times. That's a total body workout that's sure the make the pounds melt away. Sugar gives people energy, but it's not the good kind of energy. It's the kind of energy that can be easily reserved so it goes unused and becomes fat. Cocaine does not become fat. If anything cocaine turns into broken dreams.

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