Choosing a Manly Tramp Stamp

Sometimes when you're out drinking too much you might crawl by a tattoo parlor and make giant mistakes that ruin your life for months if not years or eternity if you're in a religion that forbids tattoos. When stumbling drunk into a tattoo parlor with the influence of "friends", the only thing you can do is try to limit the damage by having good tattoo ideas locked and loaded in your head so that even when you're running on pure instinct, poofaced out of your brain you don't screw around and get a footlong glittery vagina spitting fireworks tattooed on your lower back that costs $20,000 to remove.

Depending on who your friends are they will often encourage you to get a "tramp stamp" (a sassy, feminine tattoo on the lower back region) even if you're a man, sometimes especially if you're a man. Because what's funnier than someone ruining their life forever under your direct advisement and encouragement? Before choosing the design, stop and take a moment for testosterone to make its last stand.

Instead of a fanciful rainbow, ask for an angry wizard blowing up a tank with a bazooka. Instead of the word "Fantasy" in Kanji, get a pirate and parrot both laughing with tobacco pipes in their mouths. Instead of a pair of kissy lips with fairies and pixies flying around it, get a fiery scorpion wrapped in barbed wire eating Osama Bin Laden behind an American flag. Instead of a Mexican child's face, get Indiana Jones and Clint Eastwood driving in a monster truck over a lake of burning skeletons. And instead of the word "Juicy" get the word "Dried". If you do this correctly, when you finally become conscious and regain most of your normal brain function you might just be able to add onto it and make it a full back tattoo. Then you'll look back on the time you got a manly tramp stamp as one of the greatest most important nights of your life.

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