Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Aren’t There Any Fat Chess Players?”

You don't see too many
obese Indian people.
Dear McFartnuggets: 
Have you ever noticed that whenever you see a chess master it’s always some skinny nerdy guy like Bobby Fischer or Garry Kasparov. You never see an obese chess grandmaster. How come that is? I mean it’s not like chess requires any athleticism so there’s really no reason why a chubby bastard couldn’t be great at chess. You don’t see many morbidly obese scientists either. Could that be related? Meanwhile I know plenty of intelligent fat people so I don’t know what causes this phenomenon. What do you think the reason is? -- Latoya from Queens, New York

Dear Latoya:
First of all, I can’t say for certain if there have been obese chess masters because I don’t follow the sport very closely. There very well might be a fat guy chess master and no one would know. If we’re just going to assume no fat people are awesome at chess I would have to say it’s because there actually is a slight athletic factor in chess. Some games can last up to six hours or more so that’s a long time for an obese person to be sitting and playing a game. I’m guessing around the two hour mark they start craving Chessman Pepperidge Farm cookies and the game’s over. Then of course you have speed chess where moves are made rapidly and that probably does require some cardiovascular fitness. Maybe the skinny biased media is the reason we don’t hear enough about obese chess players and scientists. It’s weird to think that the one obese role model out there right now for fat kids is Chris Christie. There probably should be more and the fact there aren’t is a sad indictment on our culture.

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