The Top 5 Ways To Get People Not To Talk To You

Some people will talk
forever if you let them.
When you're sitting in a room with a bunch of people awaiting the results or your colonoscopy you might not be in the mood to talk. A lot of people in this world love nothing more than to talk up a storm with strangers like they believe silence causes cancer. If you're in a situation where you don't want people talking to you there are certain tricks you can do to keep people away. Here are the top 5 best ways to keep people from talking to you in a waiting room:

5. Bite into a raw onion like it’s an apple
Usually when you eat a raw onion like an apple that’s an indicator that you’re an eccentric person. Most people will not want to engage in random discourse with you after that. On top of that your breath will make people tear up so that also works to keep people at bay.

Mmm... FIBER.

4. Tweak your nipples like radio knobs
When it comes to your own nipples, turning them can be a great way to turn other people off, if you’re a man. Even if you’re a woman it might make people uncomfortable, but definitely if you’re a man. People will literally walk out of an emergency room to get away from your ass.

Just start twisting your nipples like there's nothing good on.

3. Viciously scratch your genitals
Scratching your genitals is a great way to get people to stop talking to you. If you’re ever stuck in a conversation with someone who just keeps blabbering on and on start going to down on your privates with your hand like a claw. Works like a charm every time.

For added effect, use your toenails to do the scratching.

2. Laugh hysterically for no reason
If you want people to avoid talking to.you, start laughing hard out of nowhere. Then when they finally ask you what's so funny, show them a photo of a mutilated human corpse and watch them shut the hell up.

Would you talk to this guy?

And the number one best way to get people to not talk to you is…

1. Lick a hunting knife
Just brandishing a large serrated hunting knife is usually enough to keep people from talking to you, but for that extra effect, running your tongue along the blade works wonders. For even more effectiveness, draw your own blood and smile at them as it runs down your chin.

Usually laughing hysterically after you lick the blade helps, so you can use combos if you want.

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