|You can't just chill|
anywhere you want.
One of the greatest pleasures in life is to sit down and relax. You’re probably sitting right now. However, it’s not always relaxing to sit. It depends what you’re sitting on. Before you make that decision to take a load off and put your buttcheeks on a flat surface, you had better ask yourself, “Am I sitting on the right thing?” Here are the top 5 things you should never sit on:
5. Public toilet
Sitting on a public toilet is never a good idea. You never know what’s on that seat. There’s a reason public bathrooms don’t have black lights.
|And especially never sit on a urinal.|
Cacti are among the worst things to sit on in the world. There’s a reason they don’t make dildos out of cactus. Cacti are not meant to be anywhere near your body much less the lower region where your ass and genitals are located.
3. On the lap of a homeless guy in a wheelchair
Why would you do this? If you do, you better have a couple dollars for him. Maybe even a twenty. Still, you can’t really put a price on personal space.
|Unless you're a woman you probably shouldn't give a hobo a lapdance. Hell even if you are a woman, don't do it.|
2. A stranger’s face
Never sit on a stranger’s face. Introduce yourself first, get to know them a little bit. Don’t be irresponsible.
|This doesn't sound like a good idea to anyone.|
And the number one worst thing to sit on is...
1. A baby
The worst thing to sit on has to be a baby. If you’re in a house where there’s a baby always make sure to check your seat before you sit because babies are technically the worst whoopie cushions ever and they only sometimes make a fart sound.
|Babies might be soft like cushions, but you DO NOT SIT ON THEM.|