Lent time is upon us once again and if you’re like so many of us then you’ve waited to the last minute to decide what to give up from February 18th til April 2nd. Fortunately I’ve got you covered with five fun and original things to give up for Lent that none of your friends will probably have thought of. It’s always nice to give up something different for Lent so god sees that and thinks “Whoa, who’s THIS GUY?” You’ve gotta try and make an impression while you’re down here. Check these out:
Obviously you can’t give up walking for Lent if you’re in a wheelchair, that’s cheating. I’m talking about people with functioning legs here. Giving up walking is difficult and will generally require someone else to carry you around, but if you find someone who wants to give up their spare time to carry you around for Lent then you’re all set.
|Why walk when you can just not move?|
This one is sort of a play on words. If you give up loaning things to people for Lent then you’re give up the present tense of Lent. I’m sure that gets you some bonus points. Plus, loaning things to people is never a good idea, especially money. People loaning other people money is one of the main reasons this world is so screwed up.
|For something called "interest" it sure is boring.|
Now some mavericks might try (and I emphasize the word “try”) to give up masturbating for Lent. We’re talking about a month and a half here. It’s just not a realistic goal. Instead, why not give up lotion for Lent that way you’re truly sacrificing something and enduring a lot of pain for the lord.
|You may be tempted to find a suitable substitute.|
4. Your job
The whole point of Lent is to eliminate something from your life that takes away from your time with the lord. What gets in the way of time with the lord more than an occupation? Ask your boss for six weeks off and if he refuses, threaten to sue for religious discrimination. When he points out that you’re not even Christian then say “Oh so I can’t get time off because I’m not Christian?!” That’ll scare him.
|You may have to borrow some money before you give up your job.|
The ultimate paradox is giving up Lent for Lent. This is a real brain twister. If Lent is so great then giving it up would probably be the best thing, but if you’re giving it up then you’re not participating, and if you’re not participating then how can you give it up? What a confounding conundrum!
|You can always just put a cigar out on your own forehead.|