Ask McFartnuggets: "Why Do We Fart?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 
I was wondering why exactly does the human body make farts? What are the benefits to this? Why did we evolve to be such farty animals? -- Bindi from Lisbon, Portugal

Dear Bindi:
It should be pretty obvious why people fart. Gas builds up in the intestines as the food we eat is digested and ferments. That gas then gets funnelled out of our anuses in the form of farts. These farts provide valuable pressure in the digestive tract that help aid the flow of feces. If you’ve ever had a piece of poop lodged in your ass like the fat German kid Augustus Gloop from “Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” in that chocolate river tube then you know that farts are like the buildup of chocolate that help it rocket out. Farts are truly miracles and just another incredible way the human body works. Sure they might smell bad for awhile, but the gift of humor and poop pressure far outweigh the momentary stink.

It's like your turds are bank deposits and your intestines are the pneumatic tube.

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