Ask McFartnuggets: "Is It Weird to Wipe My Dog's Ass?"

Dear McFartnuggets: 

When I take my dog out for a walk I always make sure to wipe his butthole with a little bitta toilet paper after he pinches off a dookie. I would think this is common sense I mean people wipe their butts. I don't want my dog running around getting asshole crust on the carpet and couch. Yet when I wipe my dog's ass I always get a bunch of weird stares and odd looks. Am I wrong here or is it the world that has the problem? -- Timmy from Miami

Dear Timmy:

That is a little weird. It’s a general rule of thumb that you should never be doing anything with your dog’s butthole. However, it’s weird enough that we put dog shit in little plastic baggies and carry the turds around so I don’t think anyone has the right to be judgemental about how someone treats their dog’s shitting behaviors. The only negative to wiping your dog’s ass that I can see is the waste of toilet paper. Maybe a doggie bidet would be more suitable. If your dog is comfortable with it you can carry a super soaker around with you and squirt some water up it’s ass to help clean it. Of course if your dog doesn’t enjoy that you should probably stop. Ultimately, it should be a dog’s decision whether its ass gets wiped or not. If it likes it, go for it. If not, back off.

Some people wonder "Why do they make colored toilet paper if it's just going to end up brown?" Well it's a lot easier to carry around with you while you're walking the dog. People might not realize it's toilet paper and mistake you for being normal.

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