Ask McFartnuggets: “Why Are Stores Always So Enthusiastic About Going Out of Business?”

Dear McFartnuggets: 
How come when a store is going out of business they always put up a huge sign and put out a commercial that says “We’re going out of business so come on in quick!” The guy’s voice is always so happy and cheerful like he’s stating good news. Shouldn’t these commercials be more somber and depressed? Your livelihood is liquidating before your very eyes START ACTING LIKE IT! -- Nisha from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Dear Nisha:
I don’t think you can blame store owners for trying to stay upbeat. No one wants to see a commercial where the owner is walking around with his head down holding a bottle of bourbon and a loaded revolver. That’s going to freak people out and keep them away from the store because they realize this man has nothing left to lose and could be capable of anything. It would also be a depressing thing for the immediate family of the store owner. You have to be upbeat around kids. You can’t ever be truly honest with them and tell them all your dreams are dead and they will be homeless soon. They have to figure that sort of stuff out on their own. By putting up the guise of positivity it attracts people who want discounts and will help clear out the store’s inventory. Ultimately that’s the only thing that matters.

If an entire Circuit City could crumble what chance did a meager RadioShack have?

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