The Top 3 Reasons Why The Seahawks Didn’t Hand The Ball Off To Marshawn Lynch

The Seattle Seahawks’ decision to pass the ball on the one yard line when they had a chance to win the Super Bowl by simply calling a run play is widely considered one of the worst decisions in human history. It’s difficult to fathom a logical reason for the call that was made, but here are the top 3 most understandable and credible excuses:

3. They wanted to give African kids new t-shirts.
Most people know by now that companies who make NFL apparel always print up championship t-shirts for both teams in the Super Bowl in advance of the event so they can immediately start selling them once the game is over. The losing team’s shirts (which are historically inaccurate) are then donated to starving African nations so the people there can have some cool shirts. The Seattle Seahawks won Super Bowl 48 and the New England Patriots have lost two Super Bowls fairly recently one in 2008 and the other in 2012, both to the New York Giants. The Seahawks’ last Super Bowl loss was 2005. So clearly African kids have a surplus of Patriots gear. Had Russell Wilson handed the ball to Marshawn Lynch for the easy touchdown and won the game those kids would have even more Patriots shirts than before. The Seahawks coaching staff knew the neon green and navy blue of their team’s logo would be a welcomed change for those poor folks so they thoughtfully lost the game on purpose.

They got sick of Buffalo Bills shirts after awhile. We couldn't have the same thing happen with the Patriots.

2. They were afraid of getting Measles at Disney World
Perhaps the Seahawks learned of the Measles outbreak at Disneyland and suddenly decided they didn’t want to go there after winning the Super Bowl. Of course we all know when people win the Super Bowl they say “I’m going to Disney World” and that’s not Disneyland, but confusing the two would be a lot less stupid than deciding to pass in that situation.

If the Measles spreads too far, none of us will be able to run.

And the number one reason the Seahawks decided not to run the ball to win Super Bowl 49 is...

1. They didn’t want Marshawn Lynch to grab his crotch in the end zone.
Marshawn Lynch has previously been fined by the NFL for grabbing his crotch during touchdown celebrations. Had he been given the opportunity to score the Super Bowl winning rushing touchdown, the ensuing crotch grab could have been so intense that either it would have made him impotent for the rest of his life, blinded the entire viewing audience, or quite possibly split the fabric of space and time. Pete Carroll couldn’t take that chance and I don’t blame him. The Seahawks did what they had to do. They had to lose. It was the only logical option.

The real question is when will we find out Marshawn Lynch is just Lil' Jon who needs to eat a Snickers?

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