One of the most frequent question I have people ask me is “Are my pubes too long?” and they include a disturbing photo. To curtail the number of submissions I’ve been receiving I think I’ll just lay down some general guidelines for inappropriate pubic hair length. These are universal rules that will apply to nearly anyone so just pay attention. If any of these apply to you then yes your pubes are too long. Here are the top 5 signs you need to shave/cut/thin your pubic hair:
5. You can walk around naked in public and no one complains because your genitals are completely shrouded.
This is actually a nice benefit to having super long and thick pubes, but it is a sign you need a trim nonetheless.
|Be careful when you're grooming your bush. Try to avoid gardening shears.|
4. Your penis look like Cousin Itt from “The Addams Family.”
If when you masturbate it looks like Thing is trying to kill Cousin Itt then it might be time to whip out the Norelco SensoTouch beard trimmer and go to town on that mess.
|If your pubes look like Cousin Itt then they should probably look more like Uncle Fester.|
3. You can pull your pubes under your nose to make it look like you have a mustache.
You know how some girls take their hair and hold it under their nose to make it look like they have a mustache? If you can do that with your pubes then you’ve got a fairly serious overgrowth issue.
|Most good artists won't draw in the extra facial hair that grows as the model is sitting.|
2. Your balls look like Tribbles from the original “Star Trek” television series.
In the original “Star Trek” show Tribbles were coconut sized creatures that procreated very quickly. If your testicles resemble these in any way other than the theme of reproduction you need to start clipping (carefully of course).
|Cutting off extra pubes can give your cat a fun new toy.|
And the number one clue that your pubic hair is too damn long is...
1. People see you naked and recommend you donate your pubes to help make wigs for cancer patients.
When this happens the best thing to do is take their advice. Chop all the hair off and donate it. Yes it is a little weird, but you’re helping. As long as they don’t know it’s pubes who’s being hurt? If they think it’s head hair then great! If they figure out it’s pubes then they’ll have to make a decision. Either way, it’s not up to you at that point.
|Give the gift of pubic hair today.|