Dumbass Sayings: “Well I’ll Be A Monkey’s Uncle”

When your family discovers the heroin addiction you’ve been hiding for the past five years someone in the room usually says “Well I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!” What a ridiculous and outlandish thing to say. Being a monkey’s uncle is nothing to brag about. This either means that your brother impregnated a monkey and is the father of a half-monkey half-human hybrid or it means your sister was impregnated by a monkey and gave birth to a monkey offspring. Either scenario is nothing you really want to be talking about in public. So yeah maybe I have a problem with controlled substances, but let’s talk about Uncle Jeff for a second. I think we have more pressing matters at hand here! I was wondering why Cousin Chim Chim loved bananas and jungle gyms so much...

When you're a monkey's uncle there's even more poo flung around the Thanksgiving dinner table than usual.