Dumbass Sayings: “I Need a Solid”

When someone calls me up and says “I’m in a tough situation right now, man. I need a solid!” I usually reply “Wow, I had no idea you were struggling with diarrhea. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope it clears up and you do get a solid. I recommend consuming large quantities of fiber. Perhaps you should try some supplements like Metamucil.” They usually reply by saying “Listen, you idiot. This is your Uncle Jeff. I drove drunk again and I need bail. I need a solid favor from you!” Let me get this straight, favors can be of differing consistency? That’s news to me! When have you ever heard of anyone referring to a “liquidy favor”? Of course my mind went straight to fecal matter. Liquidy stools I can deal with, but I’m sorry, Uncle Jeff, you’re on your own. Stop driving drunk otherwise you’ll eventually get a solid… A solid object in front of your car, either a person, another car, or a telephone pole and you will be in a whole new world of trouble.

Loose stools can be dangerous.

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